Today I weigh 97.4kg before dialysis. Whooohoo!!! The last time I weighed 97.4 it was after dialysis. So, if I am correct, that means I will weigh even less once I get off the machine. And to think that a couple of weeks a go I was worried that I was gaining weight and that I wouldn't be able to get my mind right again to lose it. Well, I am losing it again, but it has been a struggle. I have had to think about it, walk away from it, turn it down, make decisions about it, decide against it, decide to do it. It has taken all that I have had. It has been constantly on my mind, either in the form of thinking about how it affects me, or how it effects other people. I have found myself thinking about people who have had the surgery, and why I choose not to do it that way. I am thinking about people who join gyms. I am thinking about how thankful I am that I can get full off of a half of a tuna sandwich. I think about how much people graze. I try to remind myself not to graze.

I'm trying.


The good is that FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS ABLE TO FIT CLOTHES AT TARGET.

I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AT MY BODY AND I LIKED WHAT I SAW!!!!

I LIKED IT SO MUCH THAT I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND SHOWED DH MY BODY WITH NOTHING BUT UNDIES ON!!!!!

HE WAS SO IMPRESSED, THAT HE ASKED ME TO COME BACK AND SHOW IT TO HIM AGAIN. (I have never shown him my body without any clothes on it.)

I WAS ABLE TO BUY TWO XL SHIRTS THAT FIT. (for 1 and 2 dollars)

I do like what I am seeing. I do like the way I am feeling.
I do have a positive outlook, meaning that I know that what I am doing is positive.
I know that it's worth it. I really believe that I can do it.