Why did I start doing this weight loss thing?

1-I wanted to do it for once in my life. 2-I wanted to see what it felt like to be the person that I knew I was destined to be. 3-I wanted to stop hiding from my authentic self. 4-My stomach had already shrunk due to sickness, so it was easy to just start working on cutting back. 5-I didn't want weight to be an issue with my transplant.

SUCCESS SABOTAGE

I really want to write about this topic because there are so many things happening to me and with me right now. Weight loss carries a lot of responsibility along with it. I've always known that and maybe that's some of the reason that I haved avoided trying to lose weight.

I am not comfortable with all these people wanting to share their opinions about me with me. I am stronger now and in a much better position to handle them but I am not comfotable with it.

Another thing I am not quite comfortable with is buying stuff for myself. I feel like I am taking something from my kids when I buy for myself. It's funny how I can only think of one sentence to type, but in my mind it is such a big issue.

I'll get new tennis (my rock-a-dots) soon. I am so excited about getting them. I have new scrubs to wear with them and everything. Come on Fed Ex get them to me. Hopefully by next Monday they will be here. I will try to save all my new outfits until then.


I am going to just PRAY HARDER. That's the only thing I can do when I feel like this. Nothing else makes sense. Trying to figure it out is fruitless. In fact, I don't want to figure it out, I just want to enjoy myself. I just want to live.


Goofynina died last week. She was only 40 years old. I do not look at her death as a sad thing, I look at it as a reason for me to get over all this stuff that is bothering me and get on with living. I look at as an indication of just how short life really is and how we should let go of the small stuff and jus tfocus on things that really matter to us.